Get Your Nos Right

When we make fun of children saying No, calling the age when they first learn to use that word the "terrible twos", we are missing the importance of the developmental work they are doing. For this is when children are becoming autonomous and learning to create boundaries. They are beginning to define who they are - and who they are not. If you listen carefully behind their Nos - "No, I don't want to eat that! No, I don't want to wear that! No, I don't want to go there!" - what do you hear? "I exist. I have a right to my own feelings. I have a right to my own opinion. I am me." ¹ A new being is anouncing her independent existence. Learning to say No is essential to the ongoing development of each human being.

No is the key word in defining your identity, your individuality, or, in organzational terms, your brand. If you cannot say No, you do not have a brand, for your brand is defined by what you say No to. No is a selection principle that allows you to be who you are and not someone or something else. No gives you the individuality and definition that make this world a richer place.

Because No is the word we use to express our power, the normal tendency is to overdo our Nos, so they come across as attacking² - or to underdo our Nos, so they come across as weak and hesitant. The challenge is to get it just right. How can you be assertive without being aggressive?

TBC ___________________________________________ ¹In terms of professional adults I would sum up as: I have a right to my own competence. ²I deem that in the last 15 to 20 years the formal signs of aggressiveness have been tabooized in a measure that you will find many people out there who will try to qualify a mere polite No as aggressiveness on your side.

William Ury, The Power Of A Positive No, NY 2008, p. 126

Let Your No Flow

The solution (to letting your nos flow) is to use what might be called a natural No.

A natural No is simple and straightforward. It flows naturally an almost effortlessly from your Yes. I remember hearing natural Nos from my daughter Gabriela when she was small. "No" would just roll of her tongue as if it were the most natural thing in the world. "No, I don't want to talk right now, Papo. I'm playing. Can I go now?" I would be five thousand miles away in a jungle, having trumped miles to find a phone to talk to her and having tried the line a half dozen times, but I always found myself utterly disarmed because her No was so natural. It was transparent, untamed by fear, unspoiled by anger. It was honest, clean, and matter-of-fact.

Nos get more difficult to say as we get older and our emotions and motivations become more complex and our sense of consequences more acute. But if you've followed the process this far, the action is, in one sense, already over. You've done the essential preparation work. You are like an athlete who has trained hard. Now, during the race, it is time to reap the rewards of that hard work.

Let your No flow. Let it flow from your Yes you have uncovered. Let it flow from the power you have developed. Let it flow from the respect you have offered. In this way, your No will be clear, committed and clean.

William Ury, The Power Of A Positive No, NY 2008, p. 127

Hasta La Vista

As an area is ending, I, for one, wish him a good time for the rest of his days and still some energy for atonement. Everybody can see, he has not been in the sun for years. That job would have been to difficult for everybody.

I once saw an interview with Mr. Castro when Spanish journalists asked him would he ever resign or let electors vote him off. He gave them a funny answer that he would gladly do it the day, King Juan Carlos would aspire to the same thing. So please, Juan Carlos, do something bold: Declare Spain a republic and run for president. The Spanish people will afford you that pleasure for sure and for 4 years. You would make for a glorious ending for the Bourbons. More glorious than any other European dynasty so far.

4 Schnurrbärte

Was haben diese 4 schnurrenden Herren gemeinsam? Make a set of 4 common attributes 4 all 4 of them.

Blitzkrieg Bop