Uncle Donald Never Gives Up

Just like his now forgotten role model, Donald Duck, US President and uncle of 2 , Don Trumpledore just never gives up and never gives in, even if that can be hard at times. His grand nephews and nieces, Cristopher, Andrea, William and Avary, unlike Huey, Dewey and Louie regrettably do not have their own Wikipedia entry. Nephew Fred III and niece Mary on the other hand both have published books "on the dark side of the family".

An unfriendly wind might have blown at him from more than one direction, but US President Don Trumpledore is adamantly sticking to the planned introduction of far-reaching tariffs on goods from Canada, Mexico and China in effect as of today. New presidential orders introduce 25 percent tariffs on goods from Mexico and Canada and 10 percent on goods from China.

To set the correct and just amounts, trustworthy representatives said, the president personally and singlehandedly computed the complete daily, weekly, monthly and yearly shopping carts of American registered voters. He modeled job market-, investment- and inflation-effects and so determined that tariffs for imports from far off China should be considerably lower than for the two arrogant and insidious neighbors of God's own country. Our invisible Romulan drone was able to photgraph Trumpledore while showing the 120 pages report to his aides and confidantes.

Trumpledore's spokeswoman Karoline Leavitt at a press conference said she had just spoken to Trump about the orders and tariffs in the Oval Office. "Canada, Mexico and China have made it possible for illegal drugs to reach America", Leavitt continued to make it clear what the tariff punishment was for.

Trump originally wanted to introduce the corresponding tariffs on the day of his inauguration, but then backed off and named February 1 as the deadline. But later never means never with Uncle Don. We will follow up with close reporting and will also scrutinize the implication that the amount of chemical drugs from Canada and natural drugs from Mexico was higher than that of electric and digital drugs from China.

Our analystes, who have it from usually well-informed inner circle persons who wish not to be named, estimate that Finland, Denmark, Austria and Switzerland with either large forest and aggressive timber industries, high mountains and even higher interest rates or too many wind farms and unfair doping practices in animal husbandry, especially milk cows, are the next countries looming big under the American government's cross hairs.