Latest News: Don Trumpledore announces Deal with Canucks

In a press statement yesterday President Elect Don Trumpledore announced, that he has reached a deal with the three top bosses of America's rogue neighbor Canada. Trumpledore said he spoke with Charles Philip Arthur George Windsor aka Charles III, monarch and head of state, Mary Jeannie May Simon (ᒥᐊᓕ ᓴᐃᒪᓐ, Ningiukudluk), governor general and Justin Pierre James Trudeau, prime minister in a 7-minute tele conference to reach a great solution.

In exchange for them honestly promising to stop unfair and dangerous exports of medical and party drugs and a row of other bad and harmful products to the US Don Trumpledore announced full US support for Canada's plans to annex Switzerland by a leveraged buyout or, should that be necessary, by military force, valid from January 25, 2025 to January 20, 2029.

In a first reaction Ursula Gertrud von der Leyen, president of MOE (Most Of Europe) and Christine Madeleine Odette Lagarde, president of MOEM (Most Of Europe's Money) unanimously said they could not care less, because Switzerland was no paying member of MOE and MOEM and was a nuisance in the center of Europe's a..s and no better than a hemorrhoid anyway.

In a complete contradiction to the European position Vladimir Vladimirovič Putin (Владимир Владимирович Путин) and Xí Jìnpíng (习近平), top bosses of bosses of the Russian Imperial Federation (RIF, Российская имперския Федерация, Rossijskaja Imperskija Federazija) and the Ordinary People's Republic of China (OPRC, 中华老百姓共和国, Zhōnghuá Lǎobǎixìng Gònghéguó) had their respective state agencies unanimously declare that they maintained that Swiss sovereignty must stay intact and the "would in any case come to the unconditional aid of their Swiss friends". The agencies also declared that both Vladimir and Xí had no interest in letting the "Canucks gain access to their most private and extended photo albums and collections" that were all stored in the world famous Swiss deep mountain vaults.

It seems to this editorial office that Don Trumpledore will eventually be forced to throw a couple more cents into the slot for at least one more tele conference of at least 30 minutes or so. If he wants to keep his promises, that is.

As always: Come back in February 2029 when you'll be able to study the great balance sheet that has been opened at 3, Main Street, Highgate, Saint Mary Parish, Jamaica.