Latest News: President Elect Announces Deal with the Canucks

In a press statement yesterday President Elect Don Trumpledore announced, that even before he is handed the keys to the White House he has reached a deal with the three top bosses of America's rogue neighbor Canada. Trumpledore said he spoke with Charles Philip Arthur George Windsor aka Charles III, monarch and head of state, Mary Jeannie May Simon (ᒥᐊᓕ ᓴᐃᒪᓐ, Ningiukudluk), governor general and Justin Pierre James Trudeau, prime minister in a 7-minute tele conference to reach a great solution.

In exchange for them honestly promising to stop unfair and dangerous exports of medical and party drugs to the US while cancelling or at least drastically lowering their tariffs for great again American industry products, Trumpledore pledged full US support for Canada's plans to annex Switzerland by a leveraged buyout or, should that be necessary, military force, valid from January 25, 2025 to January 20, 2029.

In a first reaction Ursula Gertrud von der Leyen, president of MOE (Most Of Europe) and Christine Madeleine Odette Lagarde, president of MOEM (Most Of Europe's Money) unanimously said they could not care less, because Switzerland was not a paying member of MOE and MOEM and was a nuisance in the center of Europe's a.sh..e and no better than any other hemorrhoid anyway.

In a complete contradiction to the European position Xí Jìnpíng (习近平) and Vladimir Vladimirovič Putin (Владимир Владимирович Путин), top bosses of bosses of the Ordinary People's Republic of China (OPRC, 中华老百姓共和国, Zhōnghuá Lǎobǎixìng Gònghéguó) and the Russian Imperial Federation (RIF, Российская имперския Федерация, Rossijskaja Imperskija Federazija) had their respective state agencies unanimously declare that they maintained that Swiss sovereignty must stay intact and that they "would in any case come to the unconditional aid of their Swiss friends, by any means necessary".

The agencies further declared that both Vladimir and Xí had no interest in letting the "Canucks gain access to their most private and extended photo albums and collections", all stored in world famous Swiss deep mountain vaults. They also said, they did not quit understand Canada's aggressive reasoning because there was neither a deep sea harbor nor a substantial Canuck minority nor relevant oil or Uranium shales in Shwitzerland.

It seems to this editorial office that Don Trumpledore will eventually be forced to throw a couple more cents into the slot for at least one more tele conference of at least 30 minutes or so. If he wants to keep his promises, that is.

As always: Come back in February 2029 when you'll be able to study the great balance sheet that is open and maintained daily at 3, Main Street, Highgate, Saint Mary Parish, Jamaica.