The Three Great Gifts Of A Positive No

According to the sages of ancient India, there are three fundamental processes at work in the universe: creation, preservation, and transformation. Saying No is essential to all three processes. If you learn how to say No skillfully and wisely, you can create what you want, protect what you value, and change what doesn't work. These are the three great gifts of a Positive No.

• Create What You Want ... Over breakfast one day, he confided in me that the secret to creating his fortune lay in his ability to say No. "I sit there all day and look at investment proposals. I say No, No, No, No, No, No - until I see one that is exactly what I am looking for. And then I say Yes. All I have to do is say Yes a few times in my life and I've made a fortune." Every important Yes requires a thousand Nos. ...
• Conserve What You Value ... Almost everything we care about can be affected or threatened by the behaviour of others. A Positive No enables us to set, maintain, and defend the key boundaries - personal, organizational, and societal - that are essential to protecting what we value.
• Change What No Longer Works .. Whether you are talking about making an organizational change at work, a personal change at home, or a political or economic change at societal level, every creative change begins with an intentional No to the status quo. Your No might be to complacency and stagnation in the workplace, to dishonesty and abuse in family life, or to injustice and inequity in the larger society ....

How To Use First you prepare your Positive No - you uncover your Yes, empower your No, and respect your way to Yes. The you deliver your Positve No - you express your Yes, assert your No, and propose a Yes. Finally, and most important, you follow through on your Positive No - you stay true to your Yes, underscore your No, and negotiate to Yes.

William Ury, The Power Of A Positive No, NY 2008, p. 18

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